1. On the way to cheerleading practice Chandler said, "I know you're nervous, Mama." And I replied, "How do you know that?". (Thinking the pained look on my face might be giving me away.) "Because I am nervous, too." Sweet, right? Keep that in mind for later.
2. Upon meeting the other parents at the start of practice, I made mention that we were cheering for the Black Panthers, and I snickered slightly. Another mom said (insert southern drawl) "Oh, I know! I said to my husband, 'Aren't the Black Panthers some kind of motorcycle gang?'" All I could do was look at her and say, "Um, not really," and walk away.
3. Conversation between me and another mother...
Jane: Have you thought about shoes for the girls?
Me: No, not really. I think they'll be ok in whatever tennis shoes they want to wear.
Jane: Well it just looks so much better when they all match.
Me: I feel terrible telling parents that they need to buy shoes when they just spent $100 on uniforms and to be on the team.
Jane: The cheer shoes are so much lighter on their feet and better for them. I looked into it and Wal-Mart has them for $15.
Me: Well that's great! I'll send out an email and suggest it to parents.
Jane: Have you thought about hair bows?
***in my head*** Yes, I've thought about shoving a hair bow up your ass.
4. I am 50% Polish. Not really, but I definitely move like one. I cannot move my feet, clap my hands and say things all at the same time without looking like a spaz. I am ok doing this in front of 10 7 year olds, I am not ok with doing this in front of the 9 parents that open their butterfly chairs up to sit there and watch. Seriously? Do you have to stay? Don't you have some laundry to do or bills to pay? This is your chance for some quiet time.
5. I visited my friend CB (who has cheered all her life) after practice to learn some new cheers. While cheering her dog started growling at me. I think she thought I was having a seizure.
6. On the way home from practice, Chandler was in the back seat going on and on about the half time dance. I was tuning her out until the part where she said...
Chan: ...and then we will all take 10 steps back until we are out of the way for you to do a back flip.
Me: (as I swerve off the road) What??!??? You know I can't do a back flip, right?
Chan: You could learn.
Me: Um, no. I can't do a back flip. (Didn't this child see me at practice??? I can't clap and stomp at the same time!!!)
Chan: Well it would be really cool if you could.
Me: Yeah, not going to happen.
Chan: When you were YOUNG could you do one?
Chan: You couldn't even bend over backwards, put your hands on the ground, and flip your feet over?
Me: No. I'm lucky I could walk a straight line.
Chan: (super disappointed) Oh.
Seriously? Did this child not just see me spend an hour with sweat rolling down my back? An hour of my life that I will never get back? Really? And now she wants a back flip? Sheesh!
7. I did a Touchdown cheer for CB. She asked if I knew when the girls were supposed to use this one. I told her that I did not know when to use this cheer, so how were the 7 year olds supposed to know???
8. If you did not already know this, my mom was captain of the pom pom squad. She was also Homecoming Queen. I know. When I called her this evening, she offered to help me with cheers. And she has a great half time dance to "Spirit in the Sky."
9. Also in my conversation with my mother, we discussed the fact that in 5th grade I desperately wanted to cheer and she told me that we couldn't afford it. There was no money for me to cheer. Looking back on this, I don't think that money was a problem, I think my mother was protecting me. She didn't want me to be an embarrassment to myself. She knew how uncoordinated I was and was trying to protect me. It would have been helpful for her to share this with me sometime prior to tonight.
10. The good news is that I get to do this again on Thursday night.