I had this person in my life. She was a best friend. An important part of...well...pretty much everyday...for several years. We shared clothes. We had stupid conversations. We had serious conversations. We had conversations in which Earth shattering decisions were made. On a good day, I couldn't wait to talk to her. On a bad day, I couldn't wait to talk to her. We could finish each others sentences and know just what the other was thinking with just a look. And there was food, good, good food, and drinks, days on the lake and a family vacation together. And then we changed. And somehow we lost each other. And we were then both afraid to contact the other one. For years. I thought of her often. There was a whole period of my life that I couldn't think about without thinking of her. And missing her. Missing the friendship that we had.
Have you had this happen to you? It plagues you. It makes you feel like a terrible person. You feel as though you have failed. It can keep you awake at night. And then when enough time passes you begin to wonder how you would even go about striking up a conversation. You wonder what you would say if you ran into them at the mall or the grocery store or Target.
While cleaning the closets before the big move I found some cards that she had given me. I was a little weepy sitting on the closet floor. Nostalgic. I have felt this way about this lost relationship before - usually several times a year - but have always been afraid of reaching out. I tried calling but was chicken when it came to leaving her a voice mail. But this time, I felt that I needed to do something. I couldn't live my life this way. If after 2.5 years I was still feeling terrible, I needed to act. Otherwise I would never be able to enjoy reminiscing about that part of my life...and it was a really wonderful part of my life. I would never get over it. So I messaged her on facebook (the glory of facebook). I did not friend request her because I didn't think I could handle the rejection if she ignored me. And that also seemed too bold. "Hey! We had a falling out several years ago, but I would like to be your facebook friend!" You can't jump into something like that without a warning. So I messaged her. 8 minutes later she emailed me back with the magic words, "Will you be my friend?" and I wanted to cry.
We've spent the last 24 hours reconnecting, catching up, and using our old lingo. I have had a hard time using the word "Dude" without her in my life. We are meeting for breakfast Saturday morning. It is bitter sweet because she is moving, far, far away in less than two weeks. But the breakfast is not a "Good Bye" its a "Welcome Back to My Life" meal.
And so we are reconciled. And that makes me happy...very, very happy.