Thursday, October 13, 2011

I Struggle...

I struggle with feeling complete.  With feeling a sense of accomplishment at the end of each day.  With worrying that I haven't crossed enough off my list.

I struggle with balancing my life...and the guilt that I feel - Q spending more time at daycare, moving the girls to a new school, wanting to work out and craft...

I struggle with parenting.  I worry about the twins - encouraging them to be individuals, pushing them in different directions - not always sure what is best for them.  Do I baby Quinn too much?  {don't answer that} 

Honestly, I stopped writing my posts daily because I worried that people thought I complained too much.  I carve out time on the weekend and plan out all my posts, writing diligently throughout my Sunday afternoons.  I've had the weekend to slow down, to stay in my pajamas, to work on jewelry and snuggle on Saturday mornings with Q.  I feel good.  And so I tend to write about things that I feel good about, or that are lighthearted and make me laugh. 

But I hope you know that that is not how it really is.  I haven't spoken to many of my friends since the beginning of the school year...I just don't have the energy.  I haven't been to church since July.  I can't make the drive into Athens for anything other than to and from work.  I don't want to go back there.  I am lucky to go to the gym once a week.  I let 4 sessions that I had paid for with the trainer expire because I couldn't commit to a time to meet with her - and when I did try to find a time, there were only 2 available days out of 10.  While Chris used to cook dinner 5 or 6 nights a week, that number is slowly dwindling - because what sounds good over the weekend no longer sounds good during the week.  

I feel like my "normal" has shifted in this ugly, ugly way and I am struggling.

4 comments:

Liz @ thequickjourney.blogspot.com said...

you are doing great! life is hard... and exhausting... and confusing. God is the only way to know how to balance. He's the only answer.

:)~ i love your honesty
~liz

kinze said...

aw way to share your heart ... lean on Him girl ... He will carry you through! ... love your blog BTW ... coming from casey's blog link up!

Janelle said...

Oh I hear you. We all feel that way sometimes.

And I echo Liz and Kinze, turning to God is the only way to get through. Even if it means finding another church close to home.

Good luck! I'll be praying for you.

Family of 4.... said...

Hi Angie,

I have followed your blog for awhile (through Pioneer Woman, and I read Crystal Beutler's blog too) and also your shop on Etsy (fellow beader here too). I know it's hard to balance work and life, and while I don't work now, I do remember commuting. I commuted almost an hour each day, could be up to an hour and a half when traffic was bad. I was so tired in the evenings I didn't want to cook. I didn't have kids yet (we adopted our two girls) but my husband took over a lot of the cooking duties. Then his shift changed at work and he would be home at 6 or 7. Too late to want to cook when you are just getting home at 6. It's got to be harder with kids and homework, baths, dinner, etc.

Hang in there. And you know, don't be afraid to post about what's going on if you want to share. It's ok, those of us reading are cheering you on and I think it keeps it real. Just my opinion.

Happy Friday, and hope your weekend is good. Staying in pj's hanging out with your kids and beading? That sounds great to me. :-)

Molly