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Monday, January 4, 2010

Well, I've Gone and Done It

No, I did not eat any fruit. No, I did not take a vitamin. BUT, I did go and sign Chris and I up for gym memberships today. pause. Ok, you can stop laughing now. It includes use of the tanning beds. (I do not use tanning beds. I burned my hiney in one once and have sworn them off for the rest of my life. A burned hiney is not fun.) And a consultation with a personal trainer. Here are some of my concerns:

1. I fell walking up the stairs in my high school auditorium once. In front of people, while talking.
2. I fell down the bleacher steps onto the floor of the gym in high school. In front of people. I was not even talking or running. I also did not trip over anything.
3. I fell off a curb onto my face my freshman year in front of a lot of people in front of the dining hall. The only dining hall. At dinner time. Fantastic.
4. I fell down a flight of concrete stairs in college - while trying to look cute while waving to some baseball players.
5. I broke my toe on an ottoman. Seriously. A foot stool got the best of my foot. My toe was then perpendicular to my foot and I had to go to the emergency room. The pain was worse than the aftermath of having a c-section. They had to re-set my toe and I spent a few weeks in a boot and visited a surgeon. (no surgery required, thank God)
6. In my life I have also had a broken arm, a broken leg and stitches in my lip.
7. I have never worked out a day in my life. No, no, I take that back. I did take some kind of weight training class in high school. By the end of the semester I could lift the bar. Have you seen my arms? I, personally, thought this was quite an accomplishment.
8. I did, however, run track my freshman year in high school. He had me run hurdles. It was one of the most miserable experiences of my life. I fell daily while trying to run and then jump over something that was designed to fall if hit in the slightest way. Awesome. It was my one event.
9. Many of the people from my old school (both teachers, administrators and those former students that are now in high school or college) attend this particular gym. I could become a laughing stock, especially considering reasons #1-8 on my list.
10. I had my body fat tested in my college health class. The professor then proceeded to test it 3 times before telling me the result. He kept shaking his head and saying "Well, now, that can't be right." But let's remember, muscle weighs more than fat. And I don't weigh a whole lot. If you catch my drift. I am interested to see if the personal trainer responds the same way.

So, tomorrow night will be my first night using my shiny new gym membership, while wearing my new sports bra (I didn't own one), my new workout pants (it was either buy some or wear pajama, I don't even own a pair of sweatpants), and my new running shoes (I didn't own a pair that had a back to them and something told me that I would be a laughing stock if I showed up in my New Balance slide-ons). Yay, me!


Anonymous said...

Impressive! Good luck with the gym! Also-great job with the are doing great! I look everyday to if/what you have written! Thanks for the daily entertainment!

molly said...

this is good stuff. yeah, other than our shared humiliating attempt at track, working out is not really in your dna, nor mine. i wish you much luck. i often feel the outfit can make the workout. so you sound well prepared.

Pendergrass said...

Chris told me about this today. I laughed because I know your history, but I AM SO PROUD of you! Go Girl!

vimax said...

Chris told me about this today. I laughed because I know your history, but I AM SO PROUD of you! Go Girl!