I went to the gym today while Chan was at dance. I was there for a total of 12 minutes. It was a nightmare come true. I actually started composing this post (in my head) about 30 seconds after I entered the gym. That is when I noticed that there were no treadmills available. None. And we all know that there is no way in hell that I am ready for another elliptical experience. But I couldn't turn around and walk out. That would be lame. So I did the only thing I could do. I got on a bike. They have fancy bikes there - the kind with fancy screens that have different courses. You can even create an online account and then log in on the bike to ride tracks that you've set up. It is truly like a video game. I logged in as a guest and decided to hope for the best. I punched some buttons on the screen and climbed aboard. The seat felt much different from the gold glitter banana seat that I had as a child. That should have been a sign. And then it was all systems go. It was in race mode. There were other racers on the screen and fans in the stands. OMG, I was going to lose. I am much too competitive to just accept that, so against my better judgment, I raced. I raced like I was 10 years old again. I desperately wanted to stand up and pedal faster, but I thought that might be distracting to the real person riding next me. I was losing. People were passing me left and right. The fans were cheering. I hit a curb because I forgot that I had to steer as well. At the 1/2 mile mark my legs were throbbing and I was panting. I wanted to throw in the towel. Somehow the screen on the bike sensed this and scrolling at the bottom were the words, "NEVER GIVE UP!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!" Aw, hell, now I had to keep going. So I did. I lost the mile race so I hit the continue button to charge forward for another mile. Beads of sweat were piling up at my hair line. I wanted to stop for a drink of water, but I couldn't, there was a race to be won. But, again, I didn't win. I came in dead last both times. The fans continued to cheer. It was a blow to my ego. And then the screen pops up at the end, announcing that I burned 62 calories. I repeat, 62 calories. That's not even one french fry that I had with dinner. Following my 2 mile bike ride, I dismounted the bike, walked to the cubbies, grabbed my coat and purse, and hung my head as I walked out the door. 12 minutes after I walked in.
Now, almost three hours later, the worst part of this experience is the shooting pain that I have in my rear and crotch. I knew there was a reason why I should always stick with a banana seat. I just knew it.
***as a side note, the giveaway in the post below is still open. Enter! Please. I have just shared with you the story of my gym bike defeat. You should enter to make me feel better.