Ted*

*name has been changed to protect the innocent...or the not so innocent in this case...

So when I got to the girls' elementary school to pick them up from the After School Program, Chandler was behind the desk with a little boy and they were being reamed out by the director of the ASP. This was not a good situation for me. I thought I might have to take her outside and beat her. If she was getting in trouble this was the worst timing she ever could have imagined - the moment when I walk in to sign them out. Immediately the other lady began mouthing to me, "She's not in trouble, she's not in trouble." It was frantic mouthing. I'm not sure if it was the fact that my eyes were bulging out of my head or the fact that the creeping red that comes with a spiked blood pressure that made her think this was necessary. But whatever the case was, I was somewhat grateful for her frantic mouthing - it saved Chan's behind.

Apparently, it was the little boy, Ted, that was in trouble. They were playing a game and he got entirely too rough. (Although she may have deserved it. Just sayin.) Regardless, on the way home I inquired who this boy was.

Casey: You know, Mom, Ted. He's the one that tells me that I have long nose hair.
Me: Ohhhhh, yes I do remember that.
Chan: And he says that my legs are a mile long. And that's crazy because my legs are not a mile long.
Casey: They would be longer than an airplane if they were a mile long!
Chan: How many miles is it to Chicago?
Me: About 800.
Chan: So it would take me 800 steps if my legs were a mile long. That would be awesome!
Casey: And then we could all hang onto your back and it would only take, like, an hour to get there! That would be awesome!
Me: Yes, it certainly would.
Chan: But my legs aren't a mile long and its not nice that he says that.
Casey: And its not true that I have long nose hair.
Chan: Ted is just not very nice.

And the truth is spoken.