Monday, November 8, 2010

Living a Censored Life

I began blogging over two years ago.  A childhood friend of mine (whom I haven't seen since childhood) found me (thank you, internet!) and we rekindled our friendship via email.  We found that we still had tons in common.  It was during a period in her life when her husband was transferred a lot and so she began a blog as a way to keep her friends and family updated on their life.  I loved reading it.  I mean, like, REALLY, loved reading it.  And then I began to feel like our friendship was one sided...I knew all sorts of things about her and she only knew what I told her in scattered emails, so I began blogging.  The majority of my family lives in Chicago and so I thought it would be a great way for them to check in on us.  (I failed to take into consideration that my father doesn't really, ever, use the computer.)  At first, I blogged infrequently (who doesn't start out that way???) and had 3 readers.  At the time, Q was 2 months old, the girls had just started 1st grade, Chris and I were both working full time and we were both in grad school.  My blog was mainly a record of my lack of sleep. 

When I finished my degree, I vowed to be a more consistent blogger.  And then when the new year came, I challenged myself to write everyday for the whole month of January...and then January became February and February became March and so on. 

This is what I have noticed about blogging.  I censor myself.  I do not write about work (except maybe to mention when I am not working - summer - , or when book fair week is).  I do not write about my husband without his permission.  I do not write about people when they irritate me.  I do not write about every aspect of my life.  I write about what I want to share.  Some days, its very easy for me to ignore the real issues in my life and only write about a dinner conversation, or a song on the radio.  But doing so makes me feel like I am ignoring parts of my life...pushing them to the side...telling myself that they aren't blog worthy...not funny enough, too long to write, potentially controversial.  (Even though its my blog, I find myself worried about offending people.  And I want everyone to like me.  I worry about what people think, its true.)

As I write, I often think about binding my posts for my children.  All in all, this is a record of their childhoods.  But then I worry that they will only be getting half the story.  The censored half.  But as a blogger, where is the line?  The line of safety? 

And the funny thing about all of this is that I am anti-censorship.  Just in case you were wondering.  I also don't eat meat off the bone.  Ribs?  Absolutely not.  Fried Chicken?  No, thank you.

5 comments:

Emily said...

omg and we had fried chicken for Linus' bday! I'm so sorry! See, you need to blog about these thing so we'll know!

Angie said...

Oh, please! Its not like you served fried chicken for MY birthday. :)

sharonp said...

Neooo, because you won't ever let us celebrate YOUR birthday! Not to worry, your blog is the essence of who you and your family are--a wonderful, loving, sometimes quirky, overscheduled,
overorganized family! I can hardly wait to read about you every day.

KBBean said...

I totally relate to this! I've often thought about having a separate anonymous blog that I don't tell family or friends about where I can vent about anyone or anything, tell any story I want without wondering what my in-laws will think.....

Jessica said...

And, of late, I am the one that is not sharing any info (until this am, that is!)... ebb and flow...