Seriously. I am 32 years old. I do not (typically) have social anxiety. I love having get togethers and cook outs and girls' nights. But tonight, I wanted to vomit.
You see, I had a little Jewelry Boutique Night, like a Christmas in July kind of party, for my friends and family, by request of my friends and family. So, I have made jewelry like crazy this summer, planned, picked a date, sent out emails, bought some snacky foods, cleaned my house, and then stressed like nobodies business over it.
This ran through my mind...
When I was in 8th grade I had a birthday party. My mom baked a cake. I invited people that I thought were my friends. And no one came. (I could be a little tipsy right now and regret this post in the morning. I think Chris should be supervising my computer use this evening, but he is very wrapped up in some hulu episodes.) It was humiliating. Horrifying. And I am sure my mother thought, "Ugh. What kind of loser child am I raising?" But, I was 14, and I had no idea what the meaning of true friends was.
And so, even though people RSVPed (and we're all grown ups...if you tell someone you're coming, you'll come) and even though CB and Frankie promised they would come, I still had my doubts. I kept envisioning me, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law sitting around the table waiting for someone to show up. Anyone. And the only reason those were only there in these visions is because they are my family and they love me regardless of how lame I can sometimes be.
But people arrived! And it was awesome! And I was sweating so much that I couldn't lift my arms! And I wanted to run to the bathroom and vomit. And I realized that this was much like a yard sale for me...I hate watching people go through my stuff. It makes me nervous. And sweaty. And want to vomit.
I tried to be a good hostess...you know...fun, inviting, polite, etc. I think people had a good time. Despite the anxiousness and sweating and wanting to vomit, I really did have a good time. And perhaps I will do it again.
But next time I might have a drink or two beforehand and not after. Just sayin.